Suffering Unseen and the Gradually Murdered Soul

Suffering Unseen & the Gradually Murdered Soul

What happens when our essential emotional needs during development are invisible to everyone around?  What happens when profound deprivation occurs and no one notices, no one can see it happening? How often does this unthinkable deprivation occur simultaneous to caretakers believing they are providing everything the child needs?


What often seems to happen goes something like this: 
The unbearable pain from such emotional malnourishment in childhood comes to be experienced as a naughty secret; an inherent badness; a character defect that makes one believe, with certainty, that they are unlovable, inadequate, never-enough…..


All sorts of creative adaptations are made in an attempt to pull the needed emotional responsiveness; holding; containment; nurturing. 

Perhaps a child discovers that emotional distress, otherwise always unnoticed, might be seen by way of displaying a particular experience, such as being sick or displaying great helplessness. This can become the misguided communication (being sick or helpless) that gets repeatedly utilized due to it's potential to evoke even just a flicker of emotional nourishment. Perhaps a parent temporarily becomes more nurturing when the child is sick.

Now a real predicament is in place: 

A conviction is born that one must be sick / helpless in order to try and get that needed warmth; that loving responsiveness;  that essential emotional  holding. Even the smallest taste of what has been so needed comes at an impossible price, one that the deprived person is all too willing to pay:  Any growing independence, agency or self-efficacy (all so crucial to a person's life experiences) must be stifled.


What becomes of the one who had to pay such a high cost for what, at best, may have been a subtle scent of what was needed emotionally?

The felt deprivation remains powerful, pervades time, and intertwines itself deeply within the person's developing identity, outside of conscious awareness. This paves the way towards an adulthood filled with endless possibilities for re-experiencing the unthinkable deprivation: repressed emotional pain is enacted in behavior. A person may find themselves in a multitude of re-traumatizing experiences. Repeatedly futile attempts to fulfill the ever-present longing one has been left with can fill an entire lifetime. This devastating emotional catastrophe can occur without a single person ever noticing. 

The world of unthinkable agony may very well be experienced entirely alone throughout one's life without it ever being recognized nor understood. It is more likely that the problems or "symptoms" arising from this lifelong devastation are noticed only as they appear on the very surface and then profound misunderstanding ensues. Such misunderstanding may take the form of grossly inaccurate labels placed upon the sufferer based on those "symptoms" serving only to enhance the experiences of one's soul being murdered bit by bit. 

Alas, tragic suffering in dark isolation abounds…


- Dr. Amie Love Callon

@StopTheSoulMurder

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Impingement and Abandonment